Christmas in the sun, working on those lines
Is more dangerous than terrorism or crime
You're more likely to burn up in Beirut or Belize
Than wake up in a market-place with shrapnel in your knees

Just don't go upstairs
Cosmopolitan says
"Don't go upstairs - gravity keeps you young"

Promise you'll be there when age plucks out my hair
And pins it to my chest, please don't get too depressed
We'll both age in a straight line unless one of us has
A breakdown in our fifties or soaks too long in the bath

Just don't go upstairs
Cosmopolitan says
"Don't go upstairs - gravity keeps you young"

I have seen into the future
Everyone is slightly older
First you're fat and then you shrink
Into a common curse
"Don't go upstairs"
I have been on television
In principle if not reality
Truth applies in both dimensions
Truth applies in both directions
"Don't go upstairs"

Christmas in the sun (in sandals)
Working on those lines (those badges)
Is more dangerous than (just as dangerous)
Terrorism or crime (terrorism or crime)
You're more likely to burn up (baby! )
In Beirut or Belize (Northampton?)
Than wake up in a market-place (oh no! )
With shrapnel in your knees (shrapnel in your knees)

Just don't go upstairs
Cosmopolitan says
"Don't go upstairs - gravity keeps you young"