If you were a stamp I would not lick you

If you were a letter I would send you far away

And then I'd never have to see your ugly face



If you were a dog I'd probably kick you

If you were a booger I would flick you

If you were a car I would crash you into a tree

And then maybe you'd stay away from me



Oh you're the most unattractive person I have ever met

Your breath smells like you drink from the toilet

I'd like to strap you to a rocket ship and send you to the sun

And watch you burn--that would be fun.



If you were a pop I would not drink you

If you were a thought I would not think you

If you were a kidney stone you probably wouldn't pass

You're nothing but a pain in the... neck.



If you were a song I would not sing you

If you were a bell I would not ring you

If you were a drum I would take a stick and beat you on your face

Rat tat tat a tat tat



Oh you're the most unattractive person I have ever seen

Your head is fat, on top of that you're mean

Why don't you go and dig a hole and bury yourself alive

...That would make me happy.