I'm a total wreck when you don't call
fancy me a brand new Newton sitting
under an anvil tree
waiting for an anvil to fall

they call me Mr. It's A Big Deal
I don't ever go to movies
so when I go to movies
it's a pretty big fucking deal
flop like a fish on a dock
conk me with a frying pan to make me stop

clothes in a dryer
leaves in the breeze
one day a dump trunk will dump two tons of kittens on me

after dark
all bark no bite
at night
all bite no bark