Call me a god and I'll tip the undertaker 

That fool couldn't tell a real still from a faker 

Well I ain't no fool, but I play one on TV 

Cause misery loves company 

That's why everyone loves me 

 

Now, buy me a drink and I'll tell you all a story 

About a bastard who traded in treasure for glory 

There treasure was true love, the bastard he was me 

Cause misery loves company 

That's why everyone loves me 

 

Well, I've been a rich man 

I've been a poor man 

Inside a Saturday night 

I've done the works 

And there's one thing I know 

You can't win if it ain't a fair fight 

 

I ain't seen the pastor since Sunday bloody morning 

All the girls in the choir are in labor or mourning 

Take one look in my eyes, I think you'll all agree 

Cause misery loves company 

And that's why everyone loves me 

 

I've done every shit job 

Handed out nose jobs 

Made a few friends in the tombs 

But I've found that in most cases 

Fixing the the rat race 

Is better than pushing a broom 

 

Now, who shall I marry the junky or the jailer? 

Your choices are few when you know you're a failure 

But there's one thing that everyone in the bar agrees 

That misery loves company 

And that's why everyone loves me