Maybe some day I’ll decide to stop thinking
Get a job and achieve the approval of my neighbors
Buy myself a beemer and a condo out in Vail
Send my boys off to college if I can keep them out of jail
Maybe then I’ll winter down Florida
Make myself a melanoma yarmulke, take lots of short walks
Eat prunes fear salt wear plaid drive slow
And take herbal tea with my early bird special
Pray that my memory lasts as long as me
And sit around the sauna counting varicose vessels

CHORUS
Don’t ask me what I’m doing
Don’t ask me why I’m doing it
I’ll do what I wanna do (x4)

Maybe some day I should learn about god,
Buy the book rent the flick hell anything tell me why
The first thing they did was put an izmeil* to my dick
Snippy snip mazel tov hey really makes me want to pray
Build me an ashram up in Waltham,
Decorate a warehouse and meditate on toe-jam
Dow Zen Krishna Buddha anything at all to help me
Ease the woulda coulda shoulda blues
Pardon my expression but it’s kinda hard not to laugh
At anybody wearing those shoes

CHORUS

Maybe someday I could find myself a girl
With a really long fuse and a forgiving sense of humor
She wouldn’t have to clean unless
She couldn’t stand the normal mess
That piles up around me inexplicably
Find ourselves a preacher rent ourselves a hall
Tie the knot go home put the pre-nup on the wall
Get down to the task of putting up with each other
‘Til the war becomes worse than the prospect of divorce
If this interests anyone, see me when the show’s done
With this caveat...I tend to sweat a lot

CHORUS