Thank you for the flowers

I threw them on the fire

And I burned the photographs that you had enclosed

GOD they were ugly children

So you're the little bastard of that brother of mine

Trying to trick a poor old woman

'Til I almost had a weakness



Last week Cousin Florence

Bit your Uncle Joe

Hit him on the forehead with a knife and a fork

(She) said that he looked like the devil

Then she said... "pass the vinegar," I'm beginning to think

(That) I'm the only one who hasn't taken to the drinking of it

Though I almost had a weakness



It pains me to mention

These varicose concerns

While I have to tolerate you family jewels

I really mustn't grumble

('Cause) when I die the cats and dogs will jump up and down

And you little swines will get nothing

Though I almost had a weakness