Just wait, just wait until I disappear

It's much more than a kick and a snare
It's a vision of where life could be
If we would only take it there
See your parents looking at you with a vacant stare
Forget about the pain
Lose yourself in the space and air
Spark a square, take a sip and forget your cares
Life is never fair so so accept it and never compare
Pick the god of your choice and say a prayer
So you can feel like no matter what happens
You are prepared
Fuck it if I die tonight
I hope my last rhyme was tight
Hope my last dime was right enough
And worth the fight
Hope that my fifteen minutes of fame
Was worth the price
Hope that I left more than some money
And some crummy advice
Seasons change before I get used to the way it is
I can't remember myself memories fade so quick
The foundation is fixed brick by brick
Until my personality is based upon a nervous tick

I'm certain it's not always gonna feel so empty here
Maybe I want to know the reason
Why they sent me here
And who is they anyway and if I disappear
Will anyone notice
Or will their focus stay crystal clear

Stop crying start dying if you get the chance
Mortgage your future for some money
And some fickle fans
The things you can't have
Worth more than the shit you can
I thought I'd tasted every gram until this shit began
Flip a grand into an album full of sickened plans
To take my life before they figure out it's all a sham
Or before I figure out I'm nothing like I think I am
All that I understand shoveled under crumbled sand
I'm just a troubled man
Searching for some loving hands
Trying to find someone
To funnel all my humble demands
I'm too obsessed to ever let them feel the strands
Of panic deep within my skin I can feel expand
I start to shake and think they start to hate
Maybe I'm stuck
And it's just my adolescent egocentric fate
To think they care when noone cares
And that's too much to take
Really there's nothing at stake
And everyone is fake

I'm certain it's not always gonna feel so empty here
Maybe I want to know the reason
Why they sent me here
And who is they anyway and if I disappear
Will anyone notice
Or will their focus stay crystal clear

It's a thin line between the genius and the lunatic
Student the of science and the slave to the crucifix
Building the puzzle with broken pieces
That used to fit
Twelve steps of pretending I don't abuse the shit
Losing it in the confusing messages I spit
The best I'll get is a confession an arrest and quit
Weight of envisioning what isn't and what truly is
I won't believe it till you prove to me that you exist
Who knew me back
When I was more than just the penmanship
Scribbled on limbs in the ink injected messages
Those needle marks on my arms
They're just the pen prick
Balancing the socialist ideals and the venomous
Anxiety found in the stimulant and sedative
Torn between the extreme and the repetitive
One half apathetic, the other sensitive
Positive and negative
I wish that it would let me live

The pledge: I walk on stage at a sold out show
Thinking that this would finally be my big break
The turn: I rock the mic harder than I ever have, while the crowd stares back blankly
After I finish my set
I take of my mask a vanish in a puff of smoke
The prestige: I'll never be seen again
When I disappear