Drag the lake, Charlie

Charlie, drag the lake

Lester didn't come home last night

And Wanda's all irate



Better keep your fingers crossed

And hope we find him drowned

Wanda's gonna come and kill us all

If he shows up in town



Drag the lake, Charlie

I heard that he was seen

Cavortin' with ol' shorty

Up at the line again



Wanda's got that goddamn

Pistol in her purse

If she goes on the rampage

They'll have to call the Hearse



Better drag the lake, Charlie

Charlie, drag the lake

Remember what happened last time

When Lester went on the lake?



I heard it took the cleaning crew

Two weeks to clean the bar

They never found that teenage girl

They never found the car



Drag the lake, Charlie

Drag the lake, Charlie

It won't be the first time

But it might be the last



Drag the lake, Charlie

And keep your fingers crossed

And if you're friends with Jesus

Please ask Him to help us



Our best case scenario

Is Lester turns up dead

I'm almost out of Valium

Courage and self-respect



Drag the lake, Charlie

Drag the lake, Charlie

It won't be the first time

But it might be the last