I'm twenty four, I don't own a tie / I don't have a job and I love to get high / My hairline's receding, I'm getting a gut / I love to jerk off and I love to read smut / I can't run a mile / I'm not Calvin Klein, but I gots my own style / I smoke a pack a day, on a good day its two / But with all my faults / I'm still cooler than you / I can't drive a stick, I don't really surf / My parents disowned me cuz I'm a real jerk / I don't really cook and I don't wash my car / I can't program the timer on my VCR / I hate doing laundry, can't stand washing a plate / I haven't seen a girl naked since 1988 / I know this sounds wrong but believe me its true / With all this against me / I'm still cooler than you / Now you must realize I don't mean what I say / But lying to myself helps me get through the day / We are the same, we are Abbott and Lou / You are as I and I as you