Well, I guess this story must begin
That fateful day a way back when
I decided I should have a credit card
So I filled out this application
Listed all my recommendations
Sent it off in the mail
And in a month or so the mailman brought me my brand new charge-all card
Better than checks, safer than money, and not near as dirty!

Well it laid around for a couple of days
And finally I thought "What the hay?
Why not see if this thing'll really work!"
So I went down to my favorite store
Picked out three or four shirts or more
A pair of pants and a strip-ed tie
And the man came by and said:
"Yes Sir, cash or charge?"
I said: "Just put it on my credit card
Write that dude up! Ahhh, convenient!"

Now I put that card away in a drawer
And I never charged one dollar more
Then one day in the mail I got this bill
Typed on a card all full of holes
That says do not staple, bend or fold
Was the astronomical figure of thirty-two hundred dollars and forty-two cents... When!
There's been a mistake!
So I got on the phone... "Hello? Hello?"

I got Mr. Black and Mr. Brown
And then I got the run-a-round
'Til finally Mr. Green came on the line
I said "Sir, this may be hard to take
But your computer's made a mistake
It says I owe more money than I've ever seen"
And he said "People like you make mistakes
Computers do not lie
Send us the bread. PDQ!"

Well this had just about done me in
So I grabbed that computer card again
The one with all those holes punched out so nice
And I threw it on the floor and I stomped it twice
And then I whipped out my pocket knife
And punched out a few more holes where there hadn't been no holes before
And I bent it double...
Stapled it across the end...
Drove my car over it...
Stick that up your computer!

I sent her back in and never heard no more
'Til one day the mailman came to the door
With a special delivery from the charge-all place
Inside was a note from Mr. Green
Said: "We ran your card through our machine
And it tells us that you overpaid your bill!
Enclosed is a check payable to you...
For nine thousand dollars!
We appreciate your business"

Well I got back on the phone again, called Mr. Green
And he was I,
And I said: "I think there is something you should know"
Then I told him what the computer had done
And I said "Just remember, you're the one...
That told me computer's do not lie
Thank you!