Good evening ladies and gentleman

I've called this press conference today

To address a number of questions

That I'm sure a lot of you have of me

Uh, yes I'm signed to Def Jux now

Uh, yes I went to the Grammys last year

Ummmm, no I don't get a lot of love

Outside of the two or three people that know about me

Now that that's out of the way

I'd like to address anybody that's got any questions...ummm...





Yes, you in the three-piece?

"I purchased your first three albums

But how do I find your beat CDs?"

Beats me; of course you COULD start down Limewire Avenue

Turn east on Kazaa Street and beep the horn at the main center

And tell 'em D. Swain sent ya



"Is it true you went to the Grammmys

Off of the strength of 'Charm'?"

Yes, I just extended my arm

I looked and saw my name on the ballot

But not enough votes were gained or tallied

Sad story, should've been nominated

For the "Overlooked MC" category



"Did you really get expelled for making 11 G's

Changing student's grades from F's to B's?"

Umm, next question please

"Hey yo Dan I'm your biggest fan but listen man

I'm tryin' to be like you! What's your secret to success?"

Jesus, sleep and sex



Next? Yes, you in the orange blazer

"I think you shouldn't joke on your views of our Lord and Savior"

Who's jokin' homie?  My relationship with God is great

Although I did exaggerate: I haven't had sex since '98

Wait

















"What happened, thought you was managed by some lady at Sony?"

You know some ladies are phony, they try to play a jabroni

Homie I, might've jumped the gun but she could've called me

No hard feelings here but she's probably tryin' to blackball me, damn



"Well how do you feel about it?"

I'm gonna keep it real: I doubt it made a major difference

Ain't like I'm what the game's been missin'

Booth-attacker, wack producer/rapper, slash attempted hacker

Nah, I wouldn't have sold; my record would've went fools' gold



"Well what about the Def Jux deal now?"

I hope that it goes well so please wish me the best of luck for real now

Scared to put my future into somebody else's hands with somebody else's plans

Damn, somebody help this man



"Do you wanna get signed or don't you?"

Only if the money's right

My money's tight, I beg for table scraps on every Sunday night

But I ain't Marmaduke or Scooby-Doo, I paid a lot of Scooby dues

So Scooby Dooby Don't you try to screw me, dude









"Why come yo' name never gets mentioned?"

The game is payin' attention but dang 

I think I'm goin' insane listenin

To the pub these others rappers get

My album made the Grammy shortlist, but I guess nobody gave a shit



"Well what'cha gonna do about it?"

Either take another breather

Or just take consumers hostage, brandishin' my mother's heater

Lead 'em into my basement, my cassette tape taped to their hands

And stand on a box and scream at 'em ("take this!")



"How come you and so-and-so ain't never collaborate?"

I'd love to elaborate, but maybe next Saturday, I don't

Hate 'em, I just sour-grapes 'em; takes a man to keep it movin'

Keep pursuin' my dreams, elitists keep on snoozin'



"You think you'll ever get the props you feel you deserve?"

Before that, I'll probably fuck around and join the Reserves

Or enlist in the French Legion, sit on the bench with heathens

Heavin' smoke from a peace pipe before niggas say "D's tight"



Yes, you in the back?

"I think what you're doing is wack

In fact this track'll never get burn

This conference has taken a nasty turn"

Um, please put your statement in the form of a question

Four minutes left in this informative session

Any more need addressin'? Didn't think so