There's a man who lives a life of danger
He travels in our midst, but he's a stranger
Los Alamos beware
It's not the Russian bear
Odds are he was sent from Mainland China

Now they have technologies to start with
Things that we would never dare to part with
He grabbed our warhead tricks
With secret spy chopsticks
Then he sent them back to Mainland China

Secret Asian Man
Secret Asian Man
On a mission from Chairman Mao

Unless every American does his part
They'll steal our Cheetos, Birkenstocks and Wal-Marts
And it won't be very long
‘Till the pirate version of this song
Tops the radio charts in Mainland China

Sung by
Secret Asian Man
Secret Asian Man
A Chinese Austin Powers
On a mission from Chairman Mao
A Chinese Austin Powers
On a mission from Chairman Mao