(c.w. mccall, bill fries, chip davis)

Now arnold jones an marybeth jensens in a vette down by the deep rock
Had john denver on the 8-track, gettin high
Marybeths wig was on the floor
An arnolds feet was out the door
When we shined our flashlight in arnolds startled eyes
I says what chew doin boy?
Don't chew know that's against the law?
We just gonna hafta get this situation under control
Now my name is fairweather lewis an this heres willard clark
We the pottawattamie county love patrol.

Then two hippies in a chevys puffin grass an sippin wine
Bout fourteen mile south-east a council bluffs
Theys passin round the peace-pipe
When we caught em with our flashlight
An willards hairy hands applied the cuffs.
I says, boys you got some trouble
You committin herb-i-cide.
We just gonna hafta get this situation under control
Cause Im fairweather lewis, an this heres willard clark
We the pottawattamie county weed patrol.

Then we spied ol marvin kline a-headin south on twenty-nine
Like a midnight auto ac-cessory store on wheels
His trunk was full a hub caps
An his back seat full a tires
When we picked him up and made him spread his heels
I says, hands up-on the wall, boy
You allowed t make one call
We just gonna hafta get this situation under control
Cause, see, Im fairweather lewis, an this heres willard clark
We the pottawattamie county rip-off patrol.

Then orval hinkle left the go-go club on his brand-new motor-sickle
Runnin stop-lights, raisin hell an causin accidents
His brain was doin wheelies
An his blood was three-two beer
When we nailed him in his driveway at his residence
I says, orval, you're in trouble boy
But if you'll blow this here balloon up
We gonna get your situation under control
Now Im captain fairweather lewis an this heres willard clark
We the pottawattamie county juice patrol.

Then wes passin by the dew drop inn when he heard this woman scream
So we pulled on in an parked an got the guns out
Well we bashed on through the lobby into unit seventeen
There's twenty-eight folks in there without no clothes on.
I says everbody up against the wall; show us yer identification.
We just gonna definitely get this situation under control
Cause my name is fairweather lewis, an this heres willard clark
We the pottawattamie county sin patrol.

Cmon, willard, lets go sneakin round in the dark some more, never know what yer gonna find.