well, i guess i really oughta be makin up songs but 

i know it's dumb and sick and wrong and 

got the studio booked in tennessee 

and my record producer's callin me 

the tape will roll in just three weeks and 


they wanna book the band for a rodeo dance and 

the contract claims they got five grand and 

my agent says we oughta take the show 

but tell you the truth i don't wanna go 

cuz there's this real good game of split hi-lo and 


tattooed young dark haired girls call me and 

i could skate for free in the hockey league and 

there's famous people'd like to write with me 

and the beer at the black dog's usually free 

the whole damn world's an oyster to me and 


we're on the radio in el paso and 

finally got a little bit of press in t.o. and 

they're buying the records out in amsterdam 

there's rock tours booked in far off lands 

but i'm feelin kinda gambley and 


i don't see much of my friends these days cuz 

except whitey and gravy, they like a game and 

my neighbor brent says i got a problem 

but he don't know cuz nobody taught him 

to bet the best when you know you got ‘em and 


all i wanna do is play cards 


crib and guts and stook and gin and stud and cowboy pitch 

blackjack, eight or better, draw and hold em, chase the bitch 

acey deucy, never loosey, hearts and black mariah 

smear and low chicago, man, the stakes keep gettin higher 


contract bridge and spades and whist and kings and little ones 

canasta, hearts and spite and malice, kings make little ones 

whores and fours and one-eyed bores, house rules that ain't acknowledged 

and them games you learned at vet school and at agricultural college 


chinese rummy, greek manila, omaha, dutch chase 

start em when they're young with fish and war and crazy eights 

twenty one and thirty one and seven twenty seven 

well if i don't play for money, hon, will i still get to heaven 


three card brag and three card monte, razz and deuce to seven 

melding sets and red dog bets and counting cards with kevin 

between the sheets and screw your neighor, let it ride, strip poker 

old men on the corner playing pinochle and euchre 


yeah