All you lasses in Parnassus, swallowing swords 

Shooting out fire at us heathen hordes 

I was thinkin' something before I began 

But then you done cut off both of my hands 

Now I do my drinking from bamboo straws 

Constantly kicking at tarantulas 

What was I thinking, move to Baltimore? 

Oh yeah, the great outdoors! 

Jump into the water 

Keel-hauled on the Constellation 

Don't sell my belongings 

'Cause you know that I'll be baaack 

Remember when I told ya that I was a samurai? 

Well the fact of the matter is, that was a lie 

There were some other things that I'd rather not recall 

Y'all can blame it all on the alcohol 

But you ain't got no business criticizing me 

This is my house and I'll do as I please 

What was I thinking, move to Baltimore? 

Oh yeah, the great outdoors! 

Jump into the water 

Keel-hauled on the Constellation 

Don't sell my belongings 

'Cause you know that I'll be baaack 

Move it on over and give me a slice 

If you're in the market for green zucchini 

Farmers' Almanac got the largest size 

Winnebago woman, whatcha cookin'? 

Move it on over and give me a slice 

I'd be a richer man today if it weren't for physics 

If I could levitate I would sell lots of tickets 

And maybe do an interview with Larry King while flooooaaaating 

I'd be a richer man today if it weren't for physics 

If I could levitate I would sell lots of tickets 

Move it on over and give me a slice