Well i'm nimble
And i'm nice like kris kringle
But Joe I got caught, caught, got swindled
Me and a couple of boys at Kings Plaza
Walkin' through the mall to see if they had a
Couple of shirts, a few pants
Just out of the blue, went, took a glance
In front of Macy's I seen two girly-girlies
One looked def, the other looked like Mr. Furley
With my ego trip, my Wilson flip
I used my lip to get both on the sneak tip
Then I sicced it
Kicked it to the ugly one
Souped her up, I called her Lipton and honey one
Things like that, gibberish and crap
She's a skeezer, there's no need for chit or chat
Her body looks (log?), kinda good, yeah, but
As for her face, Jabba The Hut
I shoulda played Michael Jackson, told her to beat it
I said, what the heck, I got a condom, freak it
Her nickname now is Mona the rover
She looks like a dog so I dogged it on the sofa
Some dumb reason though, it was fun
Now she's looking good to me, I'm caught up
Part one
I'm in love with an ugly girl, but hey,
I'm gonna kick it to the pretty one today
She seems nice and she's a fly cutie
Caller her up I said hi my name is Chubbs her name was Judy
I don't have to tell you guys the rest
But I asked her to go out, she said yes
Took her to the movies and then to my house
Led the girl straight to the couch
Like a game, I have to score
Dim the lights, get the two-ply condom from the drawer
Took off her shirt and only then I asked the question
Yo? who broke wind? something smells bad, dang, it won't let up!
It was Judy, the cutie! yo, word up!
So now I got an ugly girl and one with the smell
But which one should I choose? oh well
I'm caught up
I know I'm hard, 'cause I'm Chubb Rock
But even to my chest I got a soft spot
That could easily be ripped apart
I'm hard like the Tin Man but I got a heart
Every night it seems I stay home sick
Trying to figure out which girl will I pick
Ripping my heart, damaging my soul
All these problems because of a little hole
And recreation in a bed
But Mona and Judy are getting me fed
Up to the point I couldn't even hold my own
I was like E.T. -- I had to phone home
To ask my mom a question she always knows
She says Chubby, follow your heart and your nose
Be celibate -- no girl, be a loner
But I picked the ugly girl yeah, I picked Mona