If you're a pirate I don't believe it

I don't believe that you are capable of such deeds

If you're a pirate let's see your wallet

and we will see if you are licensed for the seas

Are you capable of swinging from the riggings of a ship

Or wearing a black do-rag when it really ain't that hip

I don't think so,

I don't think so, at all



CHORUS:

So where's your eye patch

Where's your peg leg

If you're a pirate

Where's your gun

Where's your booty

Your sassy parrot

I can't picture you on a bottle of cheap rum



'Cause You're the worst pirate,

the worst pirate in the world

You're the worst pirate,

the worst pirate in the world

'Cause you're a girl



So all you females just put your swords down

I'm not a fool and I'm not amused

You've got no hook hand, no secret island

And pirates never go to the bathroom in twos

So if this isn't some sort of cheap prank

Then tell me who exactly walks your plank

Not me, not me

No, nay, never, not me



CHORUS



A pirate vessel is not a bedroom

No walk-in closet, there's no bidet



There's no pink loofah hanging in the shower and

pirates don't worry about what shoes they wear today



Because everyone knows that pirates just wear black

They raise a flag of skull and bones when they attack

Not birds and flowers, not birds and flowers, no way!



So where's your eye patch

Where's your peg leg

If you're a pirate

Where the hell's your gun

Where's your booty

Your sassy parrot

By sassy parrot I don't mean your bitchy friend



'Cause You're the worst pirate,

the worst pirate in the world

You're the worst pirate,

the worst pirate in the world

'Cause you're a girl



CHORUS