(announcer) Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Velma Kelley in and act--of desperation.



My sister and I had an act that couldn't flop. 

My sister and I were headed straight for the top. 

My sister and I earned a thou a week, at least-- oh yeah.

But my sister is now, unfortunately, deceased.

I know it's sad, of course, but a fact is still a fact:

And now all that remains

is the remains

of a perfect double act.



(spoken) Watch this.Now you have to imagine it with two people-- it's swell with two people.



First I'd--(music while she dances)

Then she'd--(music while she dances)

Then we'd--(music while she dances)

But I can't do it alone.



Then she'd--(music while she dances)

Then I'd--(music while she dances)

Then we'd--(music while she dances)

But I can't do it alone.



She'd say,"What's your sister like?"

I'd say "Men..."

She'd say "You're the cat's meow!"

Then we'd wow the crowd again

When she'd go--(music while she dances)

I'd go--(music while she dances)

We'd go--(music while she dances)

Then those ding-dong daddies started to roar!

Whistled, stomped, stamped on the floor,

yellin', screamin' begging for more--

And we'd say 'Ok fellas, keep your socks up, 

'cause you ain't seen nothin' yet."



But I simply cannot do it alone!

(spoken) So what do you think, huh?

Come on, you can say...

(Roxie blows raspberry)

(spoken) I know. You're right. The first part's s**t.

But the second part--the second part is really nifty! 

(sighs) Ok,



She'd go--(music while she dances)

I'd go--(music while she dances)

We'd go--(music while she dances)



And then those two-bit Johnnys did it up brown

to cheer the best attraction in town.

They nearly tore the balcony down!!

And we'd say "OK fellas, we're going home, but before we go,

here's a few more parting shots!"

And this, this we did in perfect unison!--(music while she dances)



Now you've seen me going through it

You may think there's nothin' to it,

But I simply cannot do it aloooooooooooooone!