Habit-dashery, needles, spoons and knives
Knuckle-dusters, glass jaws and wooden hearts
Spend your money girls on sprays and lipsticks
Tested on bunnies, girls, strays and misfits
Ozone friendly rape alarms
For those blinding dates
Another summer of hate

It's the top shop for the tired and rundown
Going up for the final comedown
First and second floors, third and fourth world wars
We've got a free pair of flares
With every hip replacement
Just take the stairs to the bargin basement
Babies bottles full of the milk of human kindnestle

CHORUS
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
The big shop is open it's a wonderful world

Top floor Shoppers' Paradise
We've got a drunk Father Christmas and the Antichrist
We've got nothing of value so there's no V.A.T.
We're going S.H.O.P.P.I.N.G.
We take Visa, Access, American Express
Patched-up, hand-me-down, second to next best
Clothes for all ages, mothers and babies

CHORUS

Going down for all the things you missed
All  the love, peace and happiness that don'T exist
We've got enpsychopaedias we've got pic 'n' fix
A government freezer full of benefits
A children's assortment we're bigger than Hamley's
We've got Cabbage Patch orphans from Sylvanian Families
Carpets, linoleum, holy petroleum,
Chemi-kaze killers, little Hitlers and Napoleons
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
The big shop is open and the world
Is wonderful
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