Everytime I clean my room, I make another mess
Everytime I miss the bus, I'm late for a test
Everytime I'm re-incarnated, it's in the lowest form
I leave my window open every time there is a storm
Everytime I have a hangover, I have to go to work
Everytime I masturbate dry it tends to hurt
Everytime I pat a dog he bites me on the hand
Everytime I talk to aliens, they don't understand
Everytime I skate, I get another bruise 
Everytime I get drunk, I vomit on my shoes
Everytime I scratch, the needle jumps
Everytime I drink milk, it comes out in lumps
Everytime I freestyle, I just talk shit
Everytime I catch the bus, there is nowhere to sit
Everytime I catch a train, Im hassled for a ticket
Everytime I bat in cricket, 1st ball takes a wicket
Everytime I'm drunk at a party in a toga, I pull a damn hamstring to prove I do yoga
Everytime I eat, I get a pain in my chest
Everytime I thinks it's heartburn, it's cardiac arrest
Everytime I make a call, call waiting interrupts
Everytime I dump a load at someone's house, it won't flush
Everytime it won't flush, it stains the ceramic
If you ever see me happy it because I'm manic
Doomed to fail
*It's not easy being me
Doomed to fail
*It's not easy being me
Everytime I give advice, it comes out wrong
Everytime I get raided, my prints are on the bong
Everytime I score, I get shitty leaf
I was living with the navajo until they heard me dis the cheif.
Cause everytime we'd smoke a joint, I'd end up with the roach
Everytime I skip sport, I get drilled by the coach
But every time I play footy, I get tackled in the dirt 
I crack another rib and it really fuckin hurts
Everytime I brush my teeth, I find another cavity
Everytime I try to fly, I discover gravity
Everytime I have a craving, I run out of food
Everytime we spin the bottle, I'm the 1 who ends up nude
Everytime I give a girl an orgasm, she fakes
Everytime I jam it in, the condom breaks
Everytime I gamble, I lose all my chips
Everytime I eat all bran, I get the shits
But everytime I shit, it takes about an hour
And there's never any paper so I have to have a shower
But everytime I shower the towel is already wet
And it's not wet with water but wet with cum and sweat
Everytime I pluck my pubic hairs to make myself attractive
My dick gets sore and I fuck like a spastic
Everytime I write a song, radio stations ban it
Cause when you play my records in reverse they're satanic
Worship Satan, 
Worship Satan, 
Worship Satan, 
Worship Satan, 
Worship Satan, 
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Worship Satan,
Everytime I make a joke, people take me serious
Everytime I go down on a girl, she's on her period
Everytime I drive a car, a cop will pull me over
But I'll say I'm someone else and that I'm sober
Every blind date turns out to be blind
My looks are all I have and that is why I mind
Everytime I have a dream, I'm at the school dance
Everyone is looking at me cause I don't have any pants
Everytime we play piggy in the middle, I'm the pig
Everytime we play tiggy, I'm the 1 who's it
Everytime I lick toad, I get warts on my tongue
Everytime I see a killer bee, It's when im getting stung
Everytime I play scrabble, I make the word "AT"
Every wet fart, leaves a stain where I sat
Everytime I fuck your mum, she wants it in the bum 
And everytime I'm done, it's not because I've come
Everytime I crack onto a chick i pull my sack out 
Everytime I try to suck my dick, I put my back out
Everytime I catch a wave, I hit a coral reef
And everytime I order vegetarian, I get beef
Doomed to fail
I Get Beef
Doomed to fail
Chicken's not a vegetable
Doomed to fail
I Get Beef
Doomed to fail
Chicken's not a vegetable