XANDER 

Well, I can do an omolette, I've almost got that... 



ANYA 

This is the man that I plan to entangle 

Isn't he fine? 

My claim to fame was to maim and to mangle 

Vengeance was mine! 



But I'm out of the biz 

The name I made, I'll trade for his 

The only trouble is - - 

I'll never tell. 



XANDER 

She is the one 

She's such wonderful fun 

Such passion and grace 

Warm in the night when I'm right in her tight - - 

Embrace! Tight embrace! 



I'll never let her go 

The love we've known can only grow 

There's just one thing that - - 

No... I'll never tell. 



ANYA, XANDER 

Cause there's nothing to tell. 



ANYA 

He snores 



XANDER 

She wheezes 



ANYA 

Say "housework" and he freezes 



XANDER 

She eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe 



ANYA 

I talk; he breezes 



XANDER 

She doesn't know what please is. 



ANYA 

His penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe! 



ANYA, XANDER 

The vibe gets kind of scary 



XANDER 

Like, she thinks I'm ordinary 



ANYA 

Like, it's all just temporary 



XANDER 

Like, her toes are kind of hairy 



ANYA, XANDER 

But it's all very well 

Cause, God knows, I'll never tell! 



ANYA 

When things get rough, he 

Just hides behind his Buffy! 

Now look, he's getting huffy 

Cause he knows that I know. 



XANDER 

She clings 

She's needy 

She's also really greedy 

She never - - 



ANYA 

His eyes are beady! 



XANDER 

This is my verse, hello! 

She - - 



ANYA 

Hey, look at me! I'm dancing crazy! 



ANYA AND XANDER 

You know 



XANDER 

You're quite the charmer 



ANYA 

My knight in armor 



XANDER 

You're the cutest of the Scoobies 

With your lips as red as rubies 

And your firm, yet supple - - 

Tight embrace! 



ANYA 

He's swell 



XANDER 

She's sweller 



ANYA 

He'll always be my feller 



XANDER 

That's why I'll never tell her that I'm petrified 



ANYA 

I've read this tale 

There's wedding, then betrayal 

I know that come the day I'll want to run and hide 



ANYA, XANDER 

I lied 

I said it's easy 

I've tried 

But there's these fears I can't quell 



XANDER 

Is she looking for a pot of gold 



ANYA 

Will I look good when I've gotten old? 



XANDER 

Will our lives become too stressful if I'm never that successful? 



ANYA 

When I get so worn and wrinkly that I look like David Brinkley? 



XANDER 

Am I crazy? 



ANYA 

Am I dreamin'? 



XANDER 

Am I marrying a demon? 



ANYA, XANDER 

We could really raise the beam in making marriage a hell! 



So, thank God, I'll never tell! 

I swear, that I'll never tell 



XANDER 

My lips are sealed 



ANYA 

I take the fifth 



XANDER 

Nothing to see 

Move it along 



ANYA, XANDER 

I'll never 

Tell!