[CHORUS]
There was a red back on the toilet seat
When I was there last night
I didn't see him in the dark
But, boy, I felt his bite

I jumped high into the air
And when I hit the ground
That crafty red back spider
Was nowhere to be found

Well, I rushed into the missus
Told her just where I'd been bit
She grabbed the cutthroat razorblade
And I nearly had a fit

I said forget what's on your mind
Call the doctor, please
Cause I got a feeling that your cure
Is worse than the disease

[Repeat CHORUS]

Now I'm here in the hospital
A sad and sorry plight
And I curse the red back spider
On the toilet seat last night
(Red back spider)

Well, I can't lay down
I can't sit up
I don't know what to do
All the nurses think it's funny
But that's not my point of view

I tell you, it's embarassing
And that's to say the least
That I'm too sick to eat a bite
While the spider had a feast
(No good spider)

And when I get back home again
I'll tell you what I'll do
I'll make that red back suffer
For the pain I'm going through

I've had so many needles
That I'm looking like a sieve
I promise you that spider
Hasn't very long to live
(Red back spider)

[Repeat CHORUS]

Now I'm here in the hospital
A sad and sorry plight
And I cursed the red back spider
On the toilet seat last night

Red back spider
That no good spider
Red back spider

Where are you
(Red back spider)
What are you doing
(That no good spider)
Get away from me

I don't need you
(Red back spider)
Good Lord
(That no good spider)

(Red back spider)
(That no good spider)
Get that old red back
Spider away from me
I don't need him

Oh, yeah