I work down at the Pizza Pit
And I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm 5 foot 3 and overweight

I'm a sci-fi fanatic, a mild asthmatic
I've never been to second base
But there's whole other me
That you need to see, go check out MySpace

'Cause online, I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black-belt in Karate
And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online

I get home I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac

In real life, the only time I've ever even been to L.A
Is when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade

Online, I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I've got a set of six pack abs
That would blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell them I don't want nothing serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Every time I log in

Online, I'm out in Hollywood
I'm 6 foot 5 and I look damn good
Even on a slow day
I can have a three-way chat
With two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online

Brad P is cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
Brad P is cooler online
Yeah, I'm senior online
Hey, I'm cooler online