And now the grand old opera theater proudly presents: a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do, watch what you say
If you're easily offended, well, that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night Huddled around the camp fire

How 'bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one

Oh Chri-biip-mas tree, oh Chri-biip-mas tree 
How lovely are thy branches...

Why am I getting blipped again?
Haven't you heard guys? 
You can't say 'Chri-biip-mas', you gotta say 'Holiday'
I can't say Chri-biip-mas?
No, you might offend somebody
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiip and the biiiip and the atheists
What?
Time to politically correct

I'll lead this off

On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love sent to me…

Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can't say Chri-biip-mas.
Why not?
You can say 'biiiip' on the last record
Why can't I say 'Chri-biip-mas?'
I didn't make the rules
Hey, listen guys, it's not that difficult
All you gotta do is change 'Chri-biip-mas' to 'Holiday'
You know, instead of saying 'white Chri-biip-mas' 
You say 'I'm dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday'
Why did I get blipped?
You've got to say Caucasian
So I have to sing, 'I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?'
Sure, that won't offend anybody

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do, watch what you say
If you're easily offended,  well, that's okay

Why do these people have to feel that way?
How come they get offended so easily?

It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

I'm just trying to come up with a song here
Let's sing one together, everybody ready? 
George?
Ready
Bill you're ready?
I’m ready
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!

We three kings of biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we've traveled really far….

Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now
What?
Oh, come on, just try
I've gotta get hyped up for this

We three kings of Asia are….

That sounds like horse biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How 'bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people
And you can't say drummer 'cause that will offend real musicians

How 'bout little – hahaha- town of Bethlehem?
What's this with all the short jokes?

Hey how 'bout we do Silent Night?
No, 'cause it offends people hard of hearing and afraid of the dark
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?

This happens every year

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do, watch what you say
If you're easily offended, well, that's okay
It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

Hohoho
No
I can’t say ho?
No you might offend some women
So basically we can't sing anything?

I think that a bunch of bull biiiip
(Softer George it's more effective)
I think that a bunch of bull biiiip
You now what? 
I don't care who we offend,
I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols
(Louder Bill it’s more effective)
I don't care who we offend
I'm gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols
Me too

We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas 
We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas
We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas 
And a happy ne-biip year

You can't say new, it'll offend the old folks
And you better not offend them
Us
Yeah