(My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish
Uh, she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time)

My show is a little bit silly, and a
Little bit pretentious, so like
Shakespeare's willy or
Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on

It's also a little bit gay, and a
Little bit offensive, like
Thanksgiving Day or
Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on

So put your cellphones to vibrate
And put your vibrators to cellphone mode

Welcome to the show, it goes a little bit like this
Joke... exactly
Fucking up my flow, it flows a little bit like this
With a rap and a diss then a
Swift rap in the wrist, a rap in a kiss
Like Hershey's wrappin' a Kiss, shit
I got a show that'll test you kids
And it asks one question and the question is;

What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, fu-funny
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny
Oh yeah

Humor is often linked to shared experience
Like a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers?"
Oh my god, yes I have
Ha ha ha ha, really good point
They should fix that
It's good to know that somebody finally gets me
'Cause my wife divorced me
Which has consciously forced me to lose all sense of self
So it's nice to think about hand dryers
And not that cheating whore

Because stand-up comedy is actually pretty easy
If you're an Asian comic, just get up and say, "My mother's got the weirdest fucking accent"
Then just do a Chinese accent
'Cause everybody laughs at the Chinese accent
Because they privately thought that your people were laughable and now you've given them the chance to express that in public
Ah yeah, if you're a musical comic
Just give them a little weird voice infliction
Then take a Viagra
And slap them with a rock-hard misdirection

What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, fu-funny
... Tourettes!
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny
Oh, and the audience says;

When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys
Now I'm older and bolder and just get mad because I notice that the keys are to a Hummer
Fuck my life, I don't fuck my wife
So fuck my wife, and fuck my life
And my son is gay, but not sitcom gay
Daughter's a whore, like another girl that used to be her mother
But the marriage made her Miss Mary Americana
I'm on a team with that screaming prima-donna
But the radical feminists made my wife a man!

Oh, and if I die happy
The situation
Will be auto-erotic
Asphyxiation
I hate my life and it hates me back
And my friend is black
But I don't know what to call him...
So I just call him...
"What up, Jamal?"
Even though his name is Steve
I hate my job, I hate my life
I hate my kids, I hate my wife
Jews would know I do it
Judas beat me to it
I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma
And I masturbate because I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me! (bang on piano)

What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, fu-funny
(Pop) It's a boy!
What's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny?
Funny, yeah
Hopefully this
(Fart)