My dog's stomach was very upset,
So I put him in the car and we went to the vet.
And on our way to the vet, I killed a cat.
Hey I said, isn't that ironic?

I adopted a child from overseas,
To rescue him from child labor factories.
And on his very first birthday,
We went to Build a Bear Workshop.
Isn't that x
Isn't that i-r-o-n-i-c-i-n-o-r-i-r-o-n-i-c
A water park has burned to the ground
And a tow truck has broken down.
I always use to cry when I laugh,
And then I was raped by a clown.
Isn't that ironic?

I was watching Al Gore on CNN,
He was talking, and talking, and talking,
& then out of boredom my pet polar bear shot himself.
Isn't that ironic?

I dated an animal rights activist
And one day she got really pissed
Because was I eating veal,
That was wrapped in PETA bread.
Isn't that i-r-o-n-i-c-i-n-o-r-i-r-o-n-i-c

Yeah,
I'm a stand up comic
And I always sit & slouch
And I got my girlfriend pregnant,
On my sterile uncles pull out couch.
Isn't that ironic? i-r-o-n-i-c

Yeah if everyday you played the boardgame Risk,
You'd probably never taken a risk in your life.
And Monopoly has far from a strangle hold in the boardgame market.
A little kid died from suffocation,
When he choked on a game piece from Operation.
And I can't grow a beard.
That one's not ironic,
That one's just sad.

Oh...
Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant.

My grandfather had Alzheimer's
And one day we were