I met him in a crowded room 
Where people go to drink away their gloom 
He sat me down and so began 
The story of a charmless man 
Educated the expensive way 
He knows his claret from his beaujolais 
I think he`d like to have been Ronnie Kray 
But then nature didn`t make him that way 
He went.... 
  
He thinks his educated airs 
Those family shares 
Will protect him 
That we`ll respect him 
He moves in circles of friends 
Who just pretend 
That they like him 
He does the same to them 
And when you put it all together 
There`s the model of a charmless man 
  
He knows the swingers and their cavalry 
Says he can get in anywhere for free 
I began to go a little cross-eyed 
And from this charmless man I just had to hide 
  
He talks at speed 
He gets nose bleeds 
He doesn`t see 
His days are tumbling 
Down upon him 
And yet he tries so hard to please 
He`s just so keen 
For you to listen 
But no-one`s listening 
  
And when you put it all together 
There`s the model of a charmless man 
He thinks his educated airs 
Those family shares 
Will protect him 
That you`ll respect him 
And yet he tries so hard to please 
He`s just so keen 
For you to listen 
But no-one`s listening 
And when you put it all together 
There`s the model of a charmless man