She said it was just a figment of speech

And I said "You mean figureAnd she said "No, figment

Because she could never imagine it happening.  But it did



When we first met I played the Shy boy

When she spoke to me for the first time my nose began to bleed

She guessed the rest



The next day we went on  a bus ride to the ferry

And when nobody came to collect our fares

Well I knew then this was something special

I couldn't stop thinking about her

And every time I switched on the radio

There was somebody else singing a song about the two of us 



It was just like being on a fast ride at the fun fair

The sort you want to get off because its scary

And then as soon as you're off you want get straight back on again

But all love is strange

And you have to learn to take the crunchy with the smooth I suppose



She began going out with Mr. Potato Head

It was when I saw her in he car park

With his coat around her shoulders that I realized

I went home and thought about the two of them together

Until the bathwater went cold around me

I thought about her eyes and the curve of her breasts

And about the point where their bodies met



I confronted her about it

I said, "I'm the most illegible bachelor in townAnd she said "Yeah that's why I 

could never understand any of those silly letters you sent me

And then one day it happened

She cut her hair and I stopped loving her