There was an old farmer who lived by a rock
He sat in the meadow a'shaking his
Fist at the boys who were down by the crick
Their feet in the water, their hands on their

Marbles and playthings and in days of yore
There came a young lady. She looked like a
Pretty young creature, she sat on the grass
She pulled up her dresses and showed us her

Ruffles and laces and white puffy duck
She said she was learning a new way to
Bring up her children and learn them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling

Refuse and litter from yesterday's hunt
While the girl in the meadow was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellows as girls sometimes do
To make it quite clear that she wanted to

Go for a nice, pleasant stroll on the grass
Then hurry back home for a nice piece of

Ice cream and cake that stood three layers tall
And after desert she was ready to

Go for another walk down by the dock
With any young man with a sizeable
Roll of one hundreds and a big bulge up front
If he'd ask politely, she'd show him her

Little pet dog who was subject to fits
Then maybe she'd let him grab hold of her
Small tender hands with a movement so quick
Then she'd bend on over and suck on his

Soda so sweetly 'til she finished it
Then pull down her panties to rub on her
Hip that she bruised when she ran down the hall
'Cause he tried to force her to lick on his

Candy so tasty made of butterscotch
And then he spread whip cream all over her
Cookies that she had been baking all night
If you think this is dirty, you know you're damned right!