You can never see it
Or keep it in a jar
You cannot escape it
Not even in your car
It is not a mineral
Animal or plant
You will never find it
Don't try because you can't

Make it so it hurts your face
Then touch it
Spank it 'til it stinks
And touch it baby

It's weight doesn't matter
Neither does it's size
If you look into it
It burns out your eyes,
Do not breathe around it,
Sniffle, sneeze or cough,
If you were to touch it,
Your skin would sizzle off,

Make it so it hurts your face
Then touch it
Spank it till it stinks
Touch it baby...
It's the mighty penis laser,
The cause for every scream,
It is better than anything you've got,
Cause it's made out of a laser beam

(Bum, bum, bum's)

Now is when the horror will be truly felt
And the sick smell of death will soon be smelt
It is a laser beam
It will never be seen
And it's shit is far more flammable than gasoline

Make it so it hurts your face and touch it
Spank it 'til it stinks
Touch it baby

It is incapable of reasoning,
This is the part where we sing...

It's the Mighty Penis Laser,
The cause for every scream,
It is better then anything you've got,
Cause it's made out of a laser beam.

Mighty - Penis - Laser