A friend of mine gave me ten little bottles
Of some special stuff that he'd brewed up hisself
But one day I was samplin' it a little you know just a touch
My wife found out about it
I had it hid down in the basement you see
And she says you go down there and get rid of that or else

Well since I didn't like the way she said or else
I went down there and proceeded to carry out her instructions

Well I set the rest of these bottles up on the drainboard

I picked up the first bottle and I pulled the cork out of it
And I poured it down the sink
That is all except one little swaller which I drank

I picked up the next bottle and I pulled the sink out of it
And I poured it down the sink
All except one little swallow which I drink

I picked up the next cork and I pulled the sink out of it
And I poured it down the bottle
All except one tiny little swallow which I sank

I usually have a little difficulty with this number
You see I come from a great long line of stink, uh drinkers
I had an uncle once he drank a quart a day everyday of his life
No kiddin' he could drink a quart an not even stagger
He couldn't even move
We told him we said
You'd better quit drinkin that stuff it's gonna kill you
Sure enough it killed him
He died last year at the age of 102

Don't laugh we dug him up last week
And he looks better than ya'll do now
We got back here he asked me
What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic
Well I'm gonna tell you
Us drunks don't have to attend all them danged ol' meetings

Listen you may talk about me
But I tell you one thing
You'd better not say anyting against my wife
Cause I'll have you know I'll have you know
That I got the wifest little nice in the whole New Nighted Stakes