My baby came to me lately

'Honey, please don't take this bad, but maybe

When you laid me

Could we try to spice it up?'



I looked across the table

First to see if she was joking

No joke

There was no flicker

Just a girl who wanted more



Than meat and potatoes

She may stop at whips and chains

She needs carousal

More arousal

A bit of pain



So we started by using handcuffs

We tried a can of cold whipped cream

I was allergic to so much dairy

She had to finish it all by herself



Then I slapped her

She wasn't expecting

So she hit me back

She friggin' cracked me

I got a nose bleed

She was angry

She wanted more



Than mean and potatoes

She may stop at pumps and drains!

She needs carousal

More arousal

A bit of pain



Invite the neighbours

Or total strangers

Give yourself a leg up, honey

Wear 'The Queen' mask

Put on the French basque

It's full of handy holes

If we're going to use them all

We're going to need more than



Meat and potatoes!

She may draw the line at dolls and freaks

She needs some abusing

Some amusement

To get through the week



'I know you respect me

You won't reject me

And the arrow of our love is straight and true'