(Kate Monster:)

Morning, Brian!



(Brian:)

Hi, Kate Monster.



(Kate Monster:)

How's life?



(Brian:)

Disappointing!



(Kate Monster:)

What's the matter?



(Brian:)

The caterine company

laid me off.



(Kate Monster:)

Oh, I'm sorry!



(Brian:)

Me too! I mean, look at me!

I'm ten years out of college, and I

always thought 



(Kate Monster:)

What?



(Brian:)

No, it sounds stupid.



(Kate Monster:)

Aww, come on!



(Brian:)

When I was little

I thought I would be...



(Kate Monster:)

What?



(Brian:)

A big comedian

on late night TV

But now I'm thirty-two

And as you can see

I'm not



(Kate Monster:)

Nope!



(Brian:)

Oh Well,

It sucks to be me.



(Kate Monster:)

Nooo.



(Brian:)

It sucks to be me.



(Kate Monster:)

No!



(Brian:)

It sucks to be broke

and unemployed

and turning thirty-three.

It sucks to be me.



(Kate Monster:)

Oh, you think your life sucks?



(Brian:)

I think so.



(Kate Monster:)

Your problems aren't so bad!

I'm kinda pretty

And pretty damn smart.



(Brian:)

You are.



(Kate Monster:)

Thanks!

I like romantic things

Like music and art.

And as you know

I have a gigantic heart

So why don't I have

A boyfriend?

Fuck!

It sucks to be me!



(Brian:)

Me too.



(Kate Monster:)

It sucks to be me.



(Brian:)

It sucks to be me.

It sucks to be Brian...



(Kate Monster:)

And Kate...



(Brian:)

To not have a job!



(Kate Monster:)

To not have a date!



(Both:)

It sucks to be me.



(Brian:)

Hey, ROd, Nicky, can you

settle something for us?

Do you have a second?



(Rod:)

Ah, certainly.



(Kate Monster:)

Whose life sucks more?

Brian's or mine?



(Nicky and Rod:)

Ours!



(Rod:)

We live together.



(Nicky:)

We're as close

As people can get.



(Rod:)

We've been the best

of buddies...



(Nicky:)

Ever since the

Day we met.



(Rod:)

So he knows lots

Of ways to make me

Really upset.

Oh, every day is

An aggravation.



(Nicky:)

Come on, that's

an exaggeration!



(Rod:)

You leave your

clothes out.

You put your feet

On my chair.



(Nicky:)

Oh yeah?

You do such anal

Things like ironing

Your underwear.



(Rod:)

You make that very

Small apartment

We share a hell.



(Nicky:)

So do you,

That's why I'm in hell too!



(Rod:)

It sucks to be me!



(Nicky:)

No, it sucks to be me!



(Kate Monster:)

It sucks to be me!



(Brian:)

It sucks to be me!



(All:)

Is there anybody here

It doesn't suck to be?

It sucks to be me!



(Christmass Eve:)

Why you all so happy?



(Nicky:)

Becuase our lives suck!



(Christmass Eve:)

Your lives suck?

I hearing you correctly? Ha!

I coming to this country

For opportunities.

Tried to work in

Korean deli

But I am Japanese.

But with hard work

I earn two Master's Degrees

In social work!

And now I a therapist!

But I have no clients

And I have an

Unemployed fiance'!

And we have lots

Of bills to pay!

It suck to be me!

It suck to be me!

I say it

Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-

Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-

Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-

Suck!

It suck to be me!



(Princeton:)

Excuse me?



(Brian:)

Hey there.



(Princeton:)

Sorry to bother you, but I'm

looking for a place to live.



(Christmass Eve:)

Why you looking all

the way out here?



(Princeton:)

Well, I started at Avenue A,

but so far everything is out

of my price range. But this

neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!

Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!



(Brian:)

You need to talk to

the superintendent.

Let me get him.



(Princeton:)

Great, thanks!



(Brian:)

Yo, Gary!



(Gary Coleman:)

I'm comin'! I'm comin'!



(Princeton:)

Oh my God!

It's Gary Coleman!



(Gary Coleman:)

Yes I am!

I'm Gary Coleman

From TV's

Diff'rent Strokes

I made a lotta money

That got stolen

By my folks!

Now I'm broke and

I'm the butt

Of everyone's jokes,

But I'm here 

The Superintendent!

On Avenue Q 



(All:)

It sucks to be you.



(Kate Monster:)

You win!



(All:)

It sucks to be you.



(Brian:)

I feel better now!



(Gary Coleman:)

Try having people

stopping you to ask you

"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

It gets old.



(All:)

It sucks to be you

On Avenue Q

(Sucks to be me)

On Avenue Q

(Sucks to be you)

On Avenue Q

(Sucks to be us)

But not when

We're together.

We're together

Here on Avenue Q!

We live on Avenue Q!

Our friends do too!

'Til our dreams

Come true,

We live on Avenue Q!



(Princeton:)

This is real life!



(All:)

We live on Avenue Q!



(Nicky:)

You're gonna love it!



(All:)

We live on Avenue Q!



(Gary Coleman:)

Here's your keys!



(All:)

Welcome to Avenue Q!