ROD

Aah, an afternoon alone with

My favorite book, "Broadway

Musicals of the 1940s."

No roommate to bother me.

How could it get any better than this?



NICKY

Oh,hi Rod!



ROD

Hi Nicky.



NICKY

Hey Rod, you'll never

Guess what happened to

Me on the subway this morning.

This guy was smiling at me and talking to me



ROD

That's very interesting.



NICKY

He was being real friendly,

And I think he was coming on to me. 

I think he might've thought I was gay!



ROD

Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? 

Why should I care?

I don't care. 

What did you have for lunch today?



NICKY

Oh, you don't have to get

All defensive about it, Rod...



ROD

I'm NOT getting defensive!

What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?

I'm trying to read.



NICKY

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. 

I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.



ROD

I don't want to talk about it,

Nicky! This conversation is over!!!



NICKY

Yeah, but...



ROD

OVER!!!



NICKY

Well, okay, but just so you know —

IF YOU WERE GAY

THAT'D BE OKAY.

I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,

I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.

BECAUSE YOU SEE,

IF IT WERE ME,

I WOULD FEEL FREE

TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY

(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)



ROD

Nicky, please!

I am trying to read....

What?!



NICKY

IF YOU WERE QUEER



ROD

Ah, Nicky!



NICKY

I'D STILL BE HERE,



ROD

Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.



NICKY

YEAR AFTER YEAR



ROD

Nicky!



NICKY

BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR

TO ME,



ROD

Argh!



NICKY

AND I KNOW THAT YOU



ROD

What?



NICKY

WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,



ROD

I would?



NICKY

IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,

"HEY! GUESS WHAT,

I'M GAY!"

(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

I'M HAPPY

JUST BEING WITH YOU.



ROD

High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...



NICKY

SO WHAT SHOULD IT

MATTER TO ME

WHAT YOU DO IN BED

WITH GUYS?



ROD

Nicky, that is wrong!!



NICKY

No it's not!

IF YOU WERE GAY

I'D SHOUT HOORAY!



ROD

I am not listening!



NICKY

AND HERE I'D STAY,



ROD

La la la la la!



NICKY

BUT I WOULDN'T GET

IN YOUR WAY.



ROD

Aaaah!



NICKY

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

TO ALWAYS BE

BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,

TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,

YOU WERE JUST BORN

THAT WAY,

AND, AS THEY SAY,

IT'S IN YOUR DNA,

YOU'RE GAY!



ROD

BUT I'M NOT GAY!



NICKY

If you were gay.



ROD

Argh!