[Slug]

(I pledge allegiance to Budweiser and free drugs)

Peace to Rick James, Anna Nicole Smith, Bill Clinton

And Motley Crue

And anyone else who has ever utilized their 15 minutes

Of fame to realize their true dreams of being an

Absolute jerk off, just to keep the masses entertained

This goes out to learning from the mistakes of others



Bring it on now

Come on

I said come on

I said come on



[Verse 1]

They call me a jerk, once they get to know me

But they don't stop calling, they read me well

It's no work if I was phony, I'd win a trophy

Who needs to make records when there's seeds to sell

Freak the bell, and make it all spin crooked

God please help, too much grim to look at

Grab the tree by the limb and shook it

Like, "Have you seen my self esteem, where the hell'd you put it?"

Oh wait, never mind, I found it in a bottle

Drunk at the Troubadour talking to a model

Wrecked the rental on Santa Monica Boulevard

I was headed to the El Rey to slap a security guard



[Chorus]

Rowdy, stubborn, loud and arrogant

As American as apple pie and embarrassment

Package the kid's face, put it on display

Look ma!, another national disgrace

Dumb and ignorant, drunk and belligerent

Open up your heart y'all, come on and let me in

Package the kid's face, put it on display

Look ma!, another national disgrace



[Verse 2]

The liquor gets hold of the head liver's soul

Blurry on Sixth Street and Red River Road

Last thing I remember was the Ogden Theatre

Backstage bathroom making out with all three of ya

Kicked out of Topcats... for where I put the vomit at

Finally passed out in a laundry mat

Malnourished and topless, slurring and obnoxious

Like, "Yo, we got this!"

The Zodiac Killers 'bout to rock this

At the Great American Music Hall, pissin on the box office

Pick apart the detail, alcohol and females

All around the world same song

Houseton and Ludlow, Maxfish, Vampire

You poor the beer and I'll bring the satire

No prob, I'll play the part of doorknob and make it look

So good you're gonna wish that it was your job



[Chorus]



[Verse 3]

It's all about the hangovers, and late checkouts

Maid banging on the door like, "Wake up! Get Out!"

But Come on mami, y'all probably don't want me comin'

Out like a Zombie brushing teeth in the lobby

This is a career, not a hobby

Ain't no reason to fear what you wanna see

Hey paparazzi, don't you wanna watch me quote the

Fonzi and then crash his Mazaradi?

Sweat pants, t-shirt, mesh hat, blue blockers

Feeding Jack D. to a room full of teenie boppers

Howdy neighbor, take a shot for flavor

Let's debate whether or not we should punch the waiter

I'm just kidding, let's love each other

It goes lick, swallow, suck, and order another

Do what you like, don't nobody care

It's a sign of success only in America



[Chorus]



[Chorus End: 4x]

I didn't cooome to start no trouble or hurt no one

I'm just heeere to get drunk, party, and have some fun