Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates

The fact that you were able to make another trip around the sun 

And the whole clan gathers round and gifts and laughter do abound 

And we let out a joyful sound and sing that stupid song



Happy Birthday 

Now you're one year older 

Happy Birthday 

Your life still isn't over 

Happy Birthday 

You did not accomplish much 

But you didn't die this year 

I guess that's good enough 



So let's drink to your fading health and hope you don't remind yourself 

Your chances of finding fame and wealth decrease with every year 

Does it feel like you're doing laps and eating food and taking naps 

And hoping that some day perhaps your life will hold some cheer 



Happy Birthday 

What have you done that matters? 

Happy Birthday 

You're starting to get fatter 

Happy Birthday 

It's downhill from now on 

Try not to remind yourself 

Your best years are all gone 



If cryogenics were all free then you could live like Walt Disney 

And live for all eternity inside a block of ice 

But instead your time is set this is the only life you get 

And though it hasn't ended yet sometimes you wish it might 



Happy Birthday 

You wish you had more money 

Happy Birthday 

Your life's so sad it's funny 

Happy Birthday 

How much more can you take 

But your friends are hungry 

So just cut the stupid cake 



Happy Birthday 

Happy Birthday 

Happy Birthday 

Dear (continuous names)