The table's set and 

The turkey's out 

Christmas is here 

Let out a shout 

The family's gathered all about 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Everyone is wearing big smiles 

They all try to 

Act nice for a while 

Then George calls his in-laws vile 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Always that one time of the year 

When everyone's problems disappear 

And everyone smiles from ear to ear 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



George has been drinking a lot 

He just can't keep 

Out of the sauce 

He says his wife's been 

Screwing her boss 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Margaret throws her food in his face 

People are hungry 

It's really a waste 

Then she screams, 

"How does that taste?" 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Always that one time of the year 

When everyone's problems disappear 

And everyone smiles from ear to ear 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



George picks up the carving knife 

Weilds it around 

And starts to slice 

Henry cocks his shotgun twice 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Henry says, 

"Hey, what's the deal? 

Just sit down and finish your meal 

Or I'll pump you full of steel!" 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Always that one time of the year 

When everyone's problems disappear 

And everyone smiles from ear to ear 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Police arrive just after eight 

Responding to a noise complaint 

Open the door 

What a grisly fate 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Fa la la and deck the halls 

Blood was spattered on the walls 

Merry Christmas, one and all! 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Always that one time of the year 

When everyone's problems disappear 

And everyone smiles from ear to ear 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



Always that one time of the year 

When everyone's problems disappear 

And everyone smiles from ear to ear 

Christmas, Christmas is here! 



(*spoken* Merry Christmas! Yeah.)