he struts and he swaggers, he's pretty sure 

that chicks dig a guy in uniform 

grey flannel pants and wine covered jacket 

the smirk on his face makes you just wanna smack it 

couldn't be a real cop without the mental wherewithal 

so he's busting heads down at the shopping mall 

security guard, mr security guard 



always wanted to be authorized personnel 

he can go through this door and that door as well 

he's limiting the loitering and breaking up brouhahas 

he controls your access to santa claus 

his keys jingle jangle as they hang from his belt 

for his lunch his mom dropped off a tuna melt 

for security guard, mr security guard 



crisis in the food court, but first he's gotta take a whiz 

even though he's inside he's wearing sunglasses 

sign says floor is slippery and man, it sure is 

watch your step, security guard 



just checked the bathrooms and the food court's secure 

time to hit on the girls at the vitamin store 

they might remember him as the high school football star 

now he's that guy with the neon lights underneath his car 

stands around with the other guards comparing flashlights 

"put a quarter in that horsey kid. theres no free rides" 

security guard 

wash my car 

put down that cigar 

you're not george peppard 

security guard