Well my baby came at me with a 2x4 

So I fought her off with sandpaper 

It was 60 grit, it was really rough 

And it made a lot of sawdust 



But we patched things up with love and glue 

We went to the church and said "I do" 

Our honeymoon was at a hardware store 

Our love's a lot like particle board 



Particle Board, it ain't got no grain 

Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain 

Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that 

Our love's a lot like particle board 



Well I heard the train come rolling by 

With cattle on board, so we decided 

We should drop everything and hop that train 

And take a one-way trip to the slaughterhouse 



Well we stared at the cattle as they took the walk 

To meet the man who worked the saw 

We stared at the blood and the guts and the gore 

It looked an awful lot like particle board 



Particle Board, it ain't got no grain 

Unless you paint it with a darkwood stain 

Particle Board, it doesn't take no brains to know that 

Our love's a lot like particle board 



We made love on a flat bed truck 

She worried about getting splinters in her butt 

I said don't think about those problems when we rut 

The deck's made of particle board 



Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 



Particle board, you could make a dresser 

Or a shelf or a hutch or an ottoman 

You could leave it like it is or paint it up 

It's still gonna be made of particle board 

Particle board, it's useful stuff 

It's stronger than glue, it's better than fluff 

It sounds like a simile and that's enough 

To say that our love's a lot like particle board 



Our love's a lot like particle board 

Our love's a lot like particle board 

Our love's a lot like particle board 



Ahh, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

Particle Board!