I've got a wife and kids and a bit on the side
A cocaine habit I just can't hide
I know a lot of people but I ain't got a mate
My bird's just told me her periods late

I've got an education but I ain't got a clue
If something goes wrong I don't know what to do
I'm no good in a crisis so I just act dumb
If I run out of money I go to see my mum

I guess I'm a Natural Born Loser

When the others go clubbing I get a cab home
I can't stand my job and the boss thinks I'm a joke
But everyone tells me he's a really good bloke

Don't talk to the wife, the kids hate me an' all
They burst into tears if I pick them up from school
Re-mortgaged the house to buy a flash car
But what's the point of driving if you ain't going far?