Hello, Muddah! Hello, Fadduh!

Here I am at Camp Granada.

Camp is very entertaining,

And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.



I went hiking with Joe Spivy.

He developed poison ivy.

You remember Lynnard Skynnard?

He got ptomaine poinsoning last night after dinner.



All the counselors hate the waiters.

And the lake has alligators.

And the head coach wants no sissies,

So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.



Now I don't want this to scare ya,

But my bunk mate has malaria.

You remember Jeffrey Hardy?

They're about to organize a searching party.



Take me home.

Oh Muddah, Fadduh,

Take me home.

I hate Granada.

Don't leave me

Out in the forest where, I might

Get eaten by a bear.

Take me home.

I promise I will not make noise,

Or mess the house with other boys.

Oh, please don't make me stay,

I've been here one whole day.



Dearest Fadduh, Darling Muddah,

How's my precious, little bruddah?

Let me come home if you miss me.

I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me!



Wait a minute!

It's stopped hailing.

Guys are swimming.

Guys are sailing.

Playing baseball.

Gee! That's better.

Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!