One time I told you
You were the highlight
Of all of my sexual life

While I'm confessing
When you're undressing
I was picking the lock
On your safe with my knife
Einstein

If you're so naive
That you believe
Everything I said to you
Well, I got your sex
And wrote you rubber checks
Well, what did you think
I was gonna do

My reputation for exaggeration
It never got to you
That's why I left Duluth
Sometimes I stretch the truth

My dearest darling
You know that luggage
It belonged to the blond
With the really nice pair
And incidentally
I sorely missed you
The pain was so hard to bear

If I would rate you
Not that I hate you
But you would end up
Eighth, maybe ninth in your class

Your build is hot now
If you could use your
Brain like you use your ass

Oh, you're so naive
How could you believe
Everything I said to you

My reputation for exaggeration
It never got to you
Sometimes I'm so uncouth
Sometimes I stretch the truth

Hey, I'm such a liar
One time I told you
You were the highlight
Of all of my sexual life

I'm remarkably insincere
Incredibly insincere
Totally insincere
Oh don't take it so hard, my dear
I'm consistently insincere