the part 
of this
comes quick
and painless

leaving it up
tossing a die
picking a stone
to hold on to

what i could change?
what i became
would it have made
you want to

try to stay together for the kids
it's easier to forget about yourself
and what's good about you
it's cool and sunny outside
so why the fuck am i
near asleep again this afternoon

best plans
laid out
rough sketch
no painting

adrift
apart
bereft 
it's telling  

daughter or son
flat or a house
credit or debt
we'll make it

what could we change?
what all becomes
would this have made
a difference

try to stay together for the kids
remember what i loved about you 
when we met before the mortgage
piano lessons marriage counsellors
in our separate beds
until i leave and take the boys to school
sitting with the engine running 
you'll never find another half to make you whole
am i terrified of being alone?
did you ever love me?
will you ever forgive me?