Val: 

...But after a while I caught on...I mean, I saw what they were hiring! I also swiped my dance card once after an audition, and on a scale of one to ten, they gave me for dance: TEN, for looks : THREE! Why? 



Dance: Ten; Looks: Three. 

And I'm still on unemployment, 

Dancing for my own enjoyment. 

That ain't it, kid! That ain't it, kid! 



"Dance: Ten, Looks: Three," 

Is like to die! 

; Left the theatre and 

Called the doctor 

For my appointment to buy... 



Tits and ass. 

Bought myself a fancy pair. 

Tightened up the derriere. 

Did the nose with it. 

All that goes with it. 



Tits and ass! 

Had the bingo-bongos done. 

Suddenly I'm getting Nash'nal tours! 

Tits and ass won't get you jobs, 

Unless they're yours! 



Didn't cost a fortune neither. 

Didn't hurt my sex life either! 



Flat and sassy, 

I would get the strays and losers. 

Beggars really can't be choosers. 

That ain't it, kid! That ain't it, kid! 



Fix the chassis. 

"How do you do!" 

Life turned into an 

Endless medley of 

"Gee, it had to be you." 

Why? 



Tits and ass! 

Where the cupboard once was bare, 

Now you knock and someone's there. 

You have got 'em, hey. 

Top to bottom, hey! 



It's a gas! 

Just a dash of silicone. 

Shake your new maracas and your fine! 

Tits and ass can change your life, 

They sure changed mine! 



(Short dance cross) 



Val: 

(spoken) You're all looking at my tits now, aren't you? 



Sheila: 

(spoken) They aren't that big. 



Val: 

(spoken) I heard that, you bitch. I didn't want 'em like yours?. I wanted them in proportion. 



Sheila: 

(spoken) Well, you got what you paid for. 



Connie: 

(spoken) I wouldn't mind having just one of yours. 



Val: 

(spoken) Well go out and buy 'em? 

(singing) 

Have it all done! 

Honey, take my word. 

Grab a cab, c'mon 

See the wizard on 

Park and Seventy-Third 

For 



Tits and ass. 

Orchestra and balcony. 

What they want is what cha see. Keep the best of you, 

Do all the rest of you. 



Pits or class, 

I have never seen it fail, 

Debutante or chorus girl or wife. 



Tits and ass, 

Yes, tits and ass 

Have changed?. My?.. 

Life?.!