Monday afternoon
 Wednesday you'll be crawling
 And you'll pray to be there soon
 With sports and wine


 Some men never grew up
 Fortunate like you
 Some men never found out
 What it takes to be a dude
 That's Sports and Wine


 The girls don't understand it
 What you think is art
 My oh my we're all impressed
 How sensitive you are
 Everybody's talkin' about you now
 You know it's true
 Always has been sports and wine for you


 So you ask me how I think I know
 Just what makes you tick
 I know what I know y'know
 I know you make me sick
 Sports and wine


 Girls don't understand it
 Anything you say
 I don't understand it either
 Guess that makes me gay
 Everybody's talking 'bout you now
 You know it's true