But the offer that I make  it won't be made again
 You don't have to write  you don't have to call
 It's a one time offer for nothing at all

 And there's no red tape  I don't make it hard
 You don't need cash money or a Master Card
 I got easy terms  and a lay away
 But I need a quick decision  and I need it today

 And if you find that you don't like my ways
 Well  you can send me back in 30 days

 Now have you ever seen a man with a guarantee?
 Well you're lookin at him now, cause the man is me
 And if you don't believe all the things I say
 I'm certified 'prime' by the USDA

 Now the name that I use is DJ Run
 And I'm a fast-talkin slow-walkin number one
 And if you don't believe all the words I say
 Then you're a natural born fool who's got to be that way

 I got a 50 rating and a 50 share
 Every minute, every hour that I'm on the air
 And when I come to town, I'm on a big marquee
 It says (DJ Run) and me, D.M.C.

 And if you find that you don't like my ways
 Well, you can send me back in 30 days

 A good job and lots of money might not be enough
 And to satisfy your needs it may be rough
 But I take some care and treat you nice
 And if it ain't sufficient once, I cold work it out twice

 And if you find that you don't like my ways
 Well, you can send me back in 30 days

 I'm gonna give you everything that you ever need
 If you need a pint of blood, then I'll even bleed
 If you're lookin for a car, I will buy you two
 And if you're lookin for a pet, I'll buy a kangaroo

 If you need a vacation, we can fly the world
 And you'll know I'll never look at another girl
 I'm a single-minded man, and my mind is set
 You're the lady of the '80s that I'm gonna get

 And if you find you don't like my ways
 Well, you can send me back in 30 days